I have commitment issues

 

I have commitment issues

Whew, I finally said it aloud.

I met a stranger a few weeks ago and we were talking about some things I do and some things I don’t do OR HAVE, and their immediate response was,

“So, you push people away? That has to be what you’re doing.” -A (real, opinionated, and unsolicited) stranger…

 you never know!

However, all I heard was, “GYC Girl…YOU have a fear of commitment.”

A Fear of missing out on the ‘better’… if you take what’s currently being offered.

Hmmmm…WHEW!!

However, I will admit that for a while I have compared my desire to getaway and travel to me being flaky, a BIG FLAKE, in need of a break and wanting to frolic around without a true care… as a quick response to why I am wherever I am, and not going wherever I’m not going.

At the time, I needed this pressure-less lifestyle. Saying that ‘I’m flaky’ allowed me to view everything as temporary and not create connections that I had no interest in creating. If I may…it was my attempt at being unappealing to the public!

phahahahaha

For so long, I have admired my own patience in waiting for what God has for me and deepening my level of compassion for a variety of situations… but at this point, I can truthfully say… that not every time was the right move. Not every action was the right amount of effort!

This is a safe space, right???

Now, let me just say this…to anyone that may have been caught in the crossfire…BE IT ME or anyone like me in your life… this DOES NOT RELATE TO US LOWERING OUR STANDARDS OR dismissing connections that considered us desperate enough to just take whatever we can get.

NO! Okay, not YOU!!

I’m speaking to areas of our lives where we considered ourselves people that could see into the future and realize THIS THING was not for us…and maybe, just maybe, we were wrong! Possibly? No judgement only revelation and healing here!!

Raven’s perspective was always WRONG

For example, I’d start something and pause… because I knew it would take more of me than I was willing to give, or toy with something that could be serious because I didn’t see the potential in the situation. Something along the lines of growing into something and feeling STUCK. I’ve always needed to KNOW, I could escape.

 

Quick funny but TRUE story

After my childhood friend and I graduated from college and moved back home, they said to me, “so YOU feel like if you don’t unpack your suitcases you’re not actually here?” My response, ‘phahaha BASICALLY!! Mentally I’m still in NYC… that’s the goal so if I stay ready, I won’t have to get ready. Seems logical to me!’

If you’ve read GYC Girl YOU Crazy before, you know that I am the Queen of the Process and we’ve discussed many of this before! I’ve just never admitted that ‘I have commitment issues (emphasis on ISSUES)’, to myself or anyone else. However, I must say, this is definitely something you want someone to figure out for themselves…if YOU want us to change!

I saw this meme about how you’ll meet the same person repeatedly until you learn the lesson.  I feel like this stranger (I met a few weeks ago) is maybe the 3^rd or 4^th, or even the 5^th person that brings out these thoughts, but I’ve never came to this conclusion and wanted to CHANGE. Everyone else I just thought ‘WELP…I wish them well on their journey! If you don’t see it my way, then… Bye!’

 

Let me explain…

Anytime I told 1 significant person from my past about something potentially ‘better’ being nearby and that we should go or participate... they would always respond with a blank stare, “SO…” 

 

 I never could get myself to believe that wherever this person is, was the better place to be.

 

At the time, I felt like I was TOO cute and blessed to be at the ‘lesser’ event…

 

A little over 10 years ago... like 12 (I've been waiting to show this for a couple years, proud moment)!

And had to move on with my life! I couldn’t see myself happy and growing with someone that potentially had the option for better but just wanted to BE where we were.

 

Years later, reflecting and I realize that even if I thought better was nearby, “let’s just go,” better is and was wherever WE are, wherever we’re planting, watering, and nurturing.

 

You can’t satisfy a person that doesn’t think better, or best is with YOU, no matter the season you’re both in. Any kind of relationship or connection if you think about it!

 

That person could not satisfy me because I did not understand and didn’t want to…this is years later. I get it, kind of, well sort of, I’m working on it!

 

We have commitment issues because we can’t choose, well, we can but we refuse to choose. Something in our past that we have yet to process (go get my book, trust!), understand and heal from is keeping our decisions guarded from things that we don’t know we want or need without any doubt about it, or are willing to risk it all and trust that even if we fall, we’re still better than when and where we started.

 

Indecisiveness is our brand because being in control of ourselves and not giving anyone or thing full access to help us grow without us knowing is scary.

 

This is still a safe space, right??? Right. Okay!

 

It’s crazy… I don’t have any dusty regrets (*in my Tony Baker voice), but I never would have imagined that years later, so many years later that this person I no longer know is still teaching me things.

 

I’m almost done…

 

BUT…

I just want to say that YOU could be the answer to someone’s prayer…YEARS LATER AND DON’T HAVE TO KNOW THEM OR even know you were the answer. There are levels to God answering your prayer deeper than YOU prayed and better than YOU expected!!

 

Let the church say, AMEN!

Alright, I’ll end with this…

Knowing that you are a flake and admitting you have commitment issues are not the same thing… One wishes to dismiss and the other ACTUALLY wants to change or be presented with the opportunity to change.

So let me rephrase, I’m WORKING THROUGH my commitment issues. I’m really trying. But in the spirit of transparency…saying Forget this is a struggle to suppress.

GYC Girl… What do you want?

What do you need?

How much do you need?

How much do you want?

*Remember, YOU can adjust as YOU go…because while YOU may have commitment issues…God doesn’t! And if you think you’ve missed your chance but you’re still alive…TRUST THAT WHAT IS FOR YOU WILL CIRCLE BACK.

If I’m meant to be in your life (any kind of way) … be patient with me!

xxoxo

See you around the world somewhere,

GYC Girl YOU Crazy aka Ms. Lauren Alicia

 

*PLEASE NOTE THAT THERE IS NOTHING IN THIS POST THAT SHOULD SUGGEST TO ANYONE THAT I AM TRYING TO ‘HOLLA AT’ OR MAKE A MOVE ON ANYBODY, NO MA’AM, NO SIR! THIS IS ALL FOR HEALING PURPOSES. Be well!

Am I in the wrong place?

 

Am I in the wrong place?

That is one the most profound questions you will ever ask yourself.

Is this where I’m supposed to be?

Right now?

Are these the people I’m supposed to influence?

Or ignore?

Is so-and-so’s concern a sign that I should?

Or a sign that I shouldn’t be here?

We’ve all been there, are still there, just left or maybe even entering this place.

I’m here to tell YOU, it’s not bad to be there. It’s the perfect question to ask yourself.

GYC Girl…, why?

The reason being, if we don’t wonder WHY, we’re there, we’ll never go deeper than what we already think.

 

I ask God all the time,

“Am I doing what you called me to do right now,

in this very moment…

or is this just Lauren being Lauren?”

 I’ll tell you this much…I’ve been privy to some of the dumbest conversations and most times I can easily drown it out…

 

BUT THEN, there are times where some stuff just doesn’t make sense and the person keeps saying the DUMB thing as if they want ME to confirm that it is DUMB (factually).

Short GYC Story…

 I had a co-worker at a foreign company where everyone that entered around the same time has the same paycheck. Long story short, this co-worker came to this job with a girlfriend, they lived in an apartment that was (unnecessarily) expensive, they broke up, he got a new girlfriend that seemed to live there occasionally but not pay rent to prove his status to her or something, IDK the reason on his heart. Anyway, this co-worker was bragging to me about the height of his bills and wanted to know why I lived where I lived.

I let him have this conversation with himself, twice. I know how much we earn, and now, I know what’s left after he gets done stunting…not much!

I asked God why does this boy keep telling me this dumbness?

 SO I decided if he tells me for the third time, I’ll take it as a sign from God to tell him he’s being dumb/foolish/not smart/unrealistic/ridiculous/a dullard, I mean he can’t afford it.

Well, what do you know?

The third time came around and I simply told him we don’t make that much, and your rent is too high for a place that looks like that.

Then, I did something that I unlearned…

 I told him my business.

 I explained that I live in my particular apartment (with a landlord that I’ve now forgiven with the love of the Lord 😉---if YOU ever see my review on Google, I lit him up!) because I’m never there. This is the amount of my monthly bills, I bring a lunch and don’t eat out so I can have a GOOD time when I travel, which was frequent.

The result, he agreed that his bills were too high, probably told his girlfriend what I said but she officially moved in and helps pay the bills. He let me know this! 😉

You’re welcome.

While I admit that I am not the most financially responsible person… I know when I am doing the MUCH (on purpose)!!!

 

Some THINGS simply don’t add up, physically or mentally!!!

 The difference is some people you’ll meet on your journey have yet to discover that for themselves or are afraid of how they may look if they have to reorganize their life. YOU may be the answer to their prayer by telling them to STOP DOING THAT!!! Trust that YOU will KNOW when it is YOUR VOICE and THOUGHTS that they need to hear.

While I HATED working at this particular location…

Yes, there will be a video about WHY on my YouTube channel…don’t be crazy and SUBSCRIBE Girl!!

The reality is I needed to be there, I needed to be used, I needed to deepen my compassion for people like him, GOD sent me there because HE knew that I could handle it…ALL OF IT!

 

I just gave everybody I worked with a say “it (the silly/ridiculous stuff)" 3 times and I will tell you it’s dumb rule. No one ever verbalized the dislike for my opinion and knew where we were on the scale because they could feel MY thoughts coming!!

 

Alright I hear ya BUT I want the focus on ME!!

Listen, that’s another topic for another day but I will say this…

I lived in Japan, specifically Nagoya…and I wondered this. Nagoya is like Chicago and Tokyo is like NYC, both are great but NOT THE SAME VIBE. I am a black woman that has looked the same for many years all that to say, I know how I look, I’ve heard many of the same compliments, I’m not new in this state so hearing them doesn’t entice me or make me forget who I am. Attempting to attack my identity doesn’t work. I’m well-traveled, solo, so I’ve had to depend on ME and confirm everything with myself and whatever knowledge I choose to trust.

 

I knew I was in the right place (at times) in Nagoya because of the impact my presence had on the people, and the company, even if they didn’t say it to my face,

my value was obvious.

 

When I stopped focusing on myself (meaning instant happiness, do they like me/do I like them, and can I really be successful here, right now!) in a location the answer became obvious. I had to look beyond the surface, understand and discover whether I was sowing seeds into their lives, into my life, consider if I was growing, becoming stronger, building endurance, compassion or simply building hate. I had to process my experiences in that moment!!

 

There have only been 2 geographical places in this world that felt the most comfortable outside of my literal home and that is NYC and Milan, Italy. However, I’m not currently living in either of those places because there is more for me to explore.

 

I’ll leave YOU with this…

Sometimes things don’t feel like home because they are not supposed to. Sometimes your current location is simply a work station…for working on YOU and helping the people around you.

 

Question where you are, and YOU’ll go much further!

 

“Your co-workers dumb questions and assumptions could deepen your compassion.”-GYCGirl…Being Honest

 

See you around the world somewhere,

Xx GYC Girl YOU Crazy aka Lauren Alicia

So you're ready to travel solo?! Female SOLO Travel Mindset Checklist

Hello y’all!! Did you get something out of the last post? 

Did it add to your faith? 

Well, I hope it did!!

I was going to post another one on the same theme (kinda)…BUT I’m going to let that one marinate a bit, penetrate the soul and allow you to checkout some of my OLD but ever so RELEVANT POSTS. Rethink giving up and keep on PUSHING!! 

YOU ARE THE ANSWER TO SOMEONE’S PRAYER.

GYC Girl YOU Crazy’s blog is going to be intentional with its posts…but if you want something weekly, subscribe to the YouTube channel!!

 

So… YOU are ready for solo travel? Or you’ve already been and want to make your next trip better?

In this new GYC, I’m going to talk about a little bit of everything. As I mentioned in the last post I’ve been traveling a lot. Since 2016 until now, I’ve traveled ALONE every year (excluding 2017) to multiple foreign countries. So, I’m an expert (international) solo traveler with lots of tips! 

YOU can READ or WATCH BELOW!!

https://youtu.be/e0jxwZdC6T0

1. YOU are the Customer, unless something becomes free don’t let anyone treat you differently.

2. If you are uncomfortable, it’s not right. If you don’t like it, it’s not right.

3. If you don’t like how your tour guide is treating you or behaving, reset the tone. How? Change your seat. This circles back to #1, you are a customer the entire trip. If the guide becomes too comfortable while you are in the front seat, move to the backseat and vice versa.

4.   Be flexible but do what makes you comfortable. If you have a relaxing plan that turns chaotic. Trust me, take a beat and adjust because if you mentally prepared for a relaxing day and the day becomes full of events/ activities…you can easily throw off the vibe and plans of the following day.

5.   YOU are in CHARGE. THIS is YOUR trip. YOUR Journey. If it doesn’t benefit you and you don’t feel like volunteering it, don’t do it. NO will be your best friend on this trip. BE selfish. On solo trips you do not want to feel like things are uneven, like people you don’t know are getting more out of your presence than you are.

6.    Give someone you trust access to your bank account. YOU never want to be in a foreign country and NEED more money and/or not be able to access it.

---------------------------------------- Okay, this is the only one that I need you to figure out; if you don’t have someone…I discourage solo travel. This is the only thing that would make me say don’t do it. 

Quick GYC story, I lived in Japan for 2 years (stories and advice, coming soon…I PROMISE). I had a bank account and because I travel, I had a debit card. Having a debit card or using a debit card isn’t common in Japan because cash is king and there are ATMs everywhere for you to use your cash card or international card… Anyway, unlike banks in the USA, when you ask for a debit card, you write down your pin number for the bank staff member to enter…you don’t punch it into the calculator for accuracy… The staff member thought I wrote some numbers that I did NOT and activated my card with the numbers she thought I wrote. I was able to use this card everywhere that didn’t ask for a pin (not knowing that I have the wrong pin) and like I said…it is more common to use cash. Fast forward, I’m visiting Hong Kong at the Nike store, I’ve ran out of currency, I needed these FLY sneakers…I pull out my debit card, they need my pin (there’s no way around it) and it declines (wrong pin)…WHAT THE #$#$%%, YOOO!!! Anyway, I pulled out my credit card and bought the sneaks. I call the bank to complain/fix it but they only speak Japanese (more on this in another post)… I NEED MY MONEY, the trip is not over and now, my American bank card isn’t working (but I don’t need to be locked out of that, so I leave that alone). I can’t access my money. 

LAUREN, What did YOU do?! I called my trusted person and asked to borrow money where we both have secure access. Done. 

Please do not NEED to do something strange for a piece of change abroad, including scamming. **please pay back your trusted person ASAP so they can remain your trusted person…thanks!! 

I need you to survive, YOU could be the answer to my prayer!! ;-)

***One more thing about your trusted person...especially if it comes down to borrowing, which isn't always the case...BUT make sure this is a person that understands that you need to wait until you are using a trusted internet connection to make the transaction because you don't want to check your sensitive info on every countries internet 👀. Alright, I'm done with that.

7.   Never keep all your money in one place. It is perfectly fine to dig for your money because if you must dig, that makes it harder for a thief to quickly grab, and possibly might decrease the price of what you are buying (specifically in bargaining situations, ex. markets)…win-win.

-------------------I do this all the time for more than one reason but it is extremely helpful to take your time. LET NO ONE RUSH YOU, seriously. 

8.   Know your limits. From alcohol to your bedtime. This will also assist in how you bargain shop. You must know when to walk away. For example, in bargaining situations I have specific things that I always buy on vacation anything else is impulse buying, I know this about myself. If the price isn’t what I’m thinking… respectfully, I am walking away. I rarely come back from vacation with random things, or overpriced stuff that I don’t need or wish I didn’t buy.

9.    While you want to be respectful of different cultures, do NOT be afraid to offend people when you are spending your money. Why? When you are solo traveling with or without a local tour guide, the reality is that you are by yourself (plus the God you serve). Everyone that you meet and pay on your trip has a limited obligation to you… only your opinion matters. Only you know the value of item to YOU. Remember, this trip is about you. DO WHAT YOU WANT and give yourself some grace!

10.    Leave room for change. From hotels to activities to tour guides. Only you matter on this trip.

11.   This is a bonus but probably the most important. Know who you are. If you are passive-aggressive, know that. If you are a flirt, know that. If you are a confident person, don’t forget that. When you are alone in a foreign country, all these things will be tested. However, when you return home or a familiar place, you’ll reflect on the time you had, and realize that all the things you experienced will reform and re-shape the things you already know about yourself (this will make more sense after you return). One of my best examples of this is… NOT needing anybody to confirm the joy of what I experienced. Many people that know/knew me…strongly dislike this about me, BUT I DON’T PROVE NOTHING (NOT A THING) TO NO ONE. Solo travel did that.

Get your mind in check before you travel (alone).

See you around the world somewhere,

xx Lauren Alicia, GYC Girl YOU Crazy (the one and ONLY)

P.S. I have more rules for myself than this…but y’all might actually think that I’m crazy ;-) !! Plus, I’m interested in your tips. Tell me below!!

P.S.S. I know this post might seem mean and self-centered BUT... I want YOU to BE SAFE AND have the best time.

CHECKOUT MY DUBAI VIDEOS!!

You’re Still an Answered Prayer

 

So random but so relevant, here it goes…

If YOU were looking for a sign, this is it!!

You’re Still an Answered Prayer.

Someone is still praying for you. Hoping that you make it through to the other side. Believing that you will walk in your purpose. Meet them when you are ready. Be everything that they asked for and more, knowing that God sent you.

You are still the answer to someone’s prayer.

Deeper than a wish…

So, stop considering less.

Especially when you’ve been given far more in the past…

 

Why would God minimize now?

           

You are STILL an answered prayer.

Someone needs you to become who you are becoming.

Someone is still waiting on you to get it together, to become and live your dreams. Someone still believes that the dreams in your heart will come to pass, why (you may ask)? Because when we pray, our prayers are deeper than a wish and bigger than just the person praying or hoping to receive.

Someone, whether they know you or not, STILL has an image of you when they go to God for answers.

Examples //

“God if can you send someone to help me?

Can you send someone to love me?

Can you send me friends like B. Simone and Pretty Vee or SupaCent and her whole New Orleans crew (I’ve been watching plenty of YouTube and IG this quarantine/pandemic, but their friendships are genuine, and I sincerely admire the accountability)?

God send me a spouse that I genuinely want and genuinely wants me (Yooo, YOU gotta be specific because finding someone that wants to get married to you is not hard, trust me. It's the ‘wanting’ part and waiting for what you actually want that gets things messed up… DON'T DO IT)? 

*sorry, if you read past posts on this blog then you recall that I often go off on tangents, I’ve not changed but I am trying to stay focused and somebody needed to hear that!!

 

God I want to be a parent.

God I want parents.

Can you send me a business partner?

Can you send me someone that I can bless?”

 

The list goes on, but you are never forgotten.

 

Things happen, plans change, people change, we all have the right to choose but the main requirements in continuing to be an answered prayer are to not give up and stop contemplating less!!

Thinking that “well, I’ve known great love before, it would be selfish of me to know it again with someone else (if your spouse has passed),” the reality is…

 

GirlYOU… did not go on sale.

 

GirlYou… have not decreased in value or worth.

 

God still wants to use you, equip you as the answer to someone’s prayer AND YOUR OWN PRAYER, which may be love, friendship, financial, directional, or mentor-ship.

 

Things that have been on your heart of becoming, someone is praying that they meet you. Your desires are not imaginary they are very real that is why they CAN profit OR harm us.

 

Tell a friend that they are answered prayer and that God is still answering prayers.

 

Happy New Year (I’m well aware that it’s April), New Season and Fresh Wind!!

 

Thanks for this message but…WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?????

I’ve been on break from posting my life publicly for about 2 years on one platform, 4 years on another, 5 on this platform and 6 on the other.

 

It’s not that I didn’t want people to see me trying or making mistakes because TRUST, they were noticed. I simply wanted to go and be… Flaky and Explore… in private, confirm the joy of my experiences without anyone’s thoughts or opinions and build myself up in things that I am proud of…

 

And I know that people make a lot of money sharing their life while traveling (oh, yeah, I’ve been traveling) and living but 2 of the most valuable things that I own are my sanity and peace. Owning them is expensive and letting my guard down while I’m traveling by myself (LITERALLY, just me—the photos below were taken with a timer) was something I wasn't willing to compromise. I don't regret it, any of it. Not sorry. Also, I’ve heard some very interesting stories about my life over the years (since college) from people that no longer have access to me personally and truth is…I enjoy giving people creative outlets (Very detailed stories, if I might add). Not mad, just intrigued and curious about how it all came together???? phahahahaaha ;-)

 

 

***some pics of me travelling, and yes these are all me HA (my travel hairstyles) ;-)

(From left to right: Hong Kong, Seoul and Little India in Singapore)

 

“Well… this is a different kind of post…” ???

GYC in a new perspective

GYC has never discussed/called God by name but the reality is if you know, you knew. If you didn't, I prayed that you did. My spiritual Godmother knew, her response “Lauren, I see you over there preaching.” The thing is… everything discussed on this blog came from spending time with God, in my room (on my floor), encouraging myself in Jesus. Then, I gave it to YOU. If you've ever watched the movie The Shack, there are different parts of the movie where God is a young man, woman, mother, father, friend…etc. God is who you need Him to be, using the voice you need to hear at the time you need to receive. And that’s that. At that moment in my life that was the direction that I believe I was given. So, I did it and reached people from all over the world needing to read what I had to say and speak to their purpose filled walk. I don't regret any of it.

 

So, with that said… welcome (or welcome back) to GYC Girl YOU Crazy…

HEY, HOW ARE YOU DARLIN’?

 

I think that this is going to be a series of “I’mmmmm bacccckkkkk.” We’ll see… Answered prayer has so many topics and I want to discuss this in depth because I know that I have the tone to help some people understand and get this understood…

Also, do story times?

What do you think?

Yes, No, no one cares about where you’ve been, or definitely Lauren, YESSSS GIRL? Let me know but I am not sharing if you don't want it, okay? Okay.

 

 Also, if you are here for story times… should they be videos or written? TELL ME. Of course, many names will be changed. Not because anyone is well known but because crazy does exist, and stalkers are real…dangerous. Umm… BUT there's A NEW VIDEO ON GYC GIRL YOUCRAZY’S YouTube Channel!!! Go …SUBSCRIBE and make sure to turn on your post notifications!! The videos from the past are VERY different from the upcoming videos!

 

So that will be fun, let’s have a good time, and grow together! You know move forward. Mmmhhmmm… Thank you for being here with me, I appreciate you and I am proud of how far we have come! ;-)

Hey Now! I’m Lauren Alicia, Ms. GYC Girl YOU Crazy (The ONE and ONLY). I’ve been gone for a minute but I’m back with the jump off. ;-) Y’all were missed. This was missed. I’ve learned and processed a lot. Follow and join the journey, like seriously… AND, when necessary I am an open book on just about everything but emphasis on ‘when necessary’; just call me when YOU need me!

 

See you on the next post (or video)!

xx

P.S. I visited Egypt, and the vlogs are up!! 

AND DUBAI IS UP!!